


don't carry it all

by remadebydreamers



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Anxiety, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Jake is a good boyfriend, Panic Attacks, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-10-27 01:18:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17757065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/remadebydreamers/pseuds/remadebydreamers
Summary: Amy Santiago gets panic attacks sometimes. When she has one at work, Jake (aka the greatest boyfriend ever) tries to talk her down.





	don't carry it all

No one in the 99th precinct could focus on their work. It was snowing hard outside, and Captain Holt had given most of the detectives tomorrow off, in anticipation of the worsening storm. Jake was slumped at his desk, staring aimlessly at his computer screen, while Charles had given up on closing his case altogether. Instead, he was stirring together some strange, lumpy brown drink.

“Hey, Jake, do you want to try my hot chocolate?” Charles asked, his voice bright with enthusiasm. “It’s made with yak’s milk. Really makes it extra creamy.”

“Why would you tell me that it’s made with yak’s milk if you wanted me to drink it?” Jake said, pulling a disgusted face. 

“Oh, good point. Rosa, would you like to try-”

“Pass.”

“Okay, then.” Charles swung back around in his chair to face Jake. “I guess I just have to enjoy this delicious, vitamin rich hot chocolate all by myself, then.”

He took a sip and moaned deeply, drawing uncomfortable looks from everyone in the precinct.

Gina glanced up from her phone. “Someone needs to tell Charles to stop moaning!”

Jake hit Charles on the shoulder, bringing him out of his hot chocolate induced stupor. 

“Sorry, Jake, I just get so carried away by the creaminess of the milk,” Charles apologized. “Genevieve and I are teaching Nikolaj about the different types of milk tomorrow. I can’t wait to blow his culinary mind.”

“You should try doing something normal with your kid,” Terry suggested. “Sharon and I are taking the girls sledding. Like regular parents.”

Charles started to open his mouth in reply, but Rosa cut him off. “Having kids is lame. I’m going to see the New York Ballet.” 

Terry and Charles were momentarily distracted from their argument by the shock of Rosa’s statement. 

“You told us something personal about yourself?” Charles stuttered.

“Voluntarily?” Terry followed up.

“It’s not a big deal. It’s just to see my ex-girlfriend perform. Then we’re going to my jewelry exhibit, if it’s still open tomorrow.”

“Ex-girlfriend?” Charles managed.

“Jewelry exhibit?” Terry added.

Rosa shrugged. “Like I said, not a big deal. Still better than trying yak’s milk, though.”

“What are you and Amy doing tomorrow, Jake?” Charles asked, trying to include him in the conversation.

“Nothing much, probably just watching HGTV-” Jake suddenly stopped himself, realizing that Terry and Rosa were listening. “I mean, having sex. Lots of sex. All day. That’s all we’ll be doing.”

Terry shot him a confused glance. “Where is Santiago anyways?”

“Yeah,” Rosa said, frowning a little. “There’s a mountain of paperwork on her desk. That’s usually heaven to her.”

Grateful for a distraction, Jake pounced on his chance. “I think I saw her go into the break room. I’ll go get her!”

He walked into the break room and saw Amy sitting alone, a cup of coffee in front of her. At first glance, she only looked a little lost, staring into space.

“Amy?” he said.

As he moved closer, he realized that something was wrong. Her whole body was shaking, and her breaths were short and strained, like she couldn’t get enough air to her lungs. Her eyes weren’t unfocused, they were terrified. She was having a panic attack.

Jake had seen Amy panicking only a few times before, but never as badly as this. Usually her weird stress rituals were enough to keep her from spiraling into an all out panic attack. He had no idea what might have set her off in the first place, but there wasn’t time to wonder about that now. Right now, he had to focus on helping her. He tried to remember what to do, but it was so hard for him to see her like this, he almost forgot everything he had ever read on the subject, when he first found out that she sometimes had panic attacks.

He pulled up a chair next to her, trying to keep himself as calm as possible.

“Do you need to leave?” he asked gently.

She shook her head, her breath still leaving her lungs in short, panicked stutters. It was easy to see that she felt out of control, and there was nothing that terrified Amy Santiago more than losing control.  
“Deep breaths, okay? Remember, in for four, out for four, in for four, out for four.”

Amy met his eyes and tried to copy his breathing. For a little while, she stilled, her breathing becoming more even. Jake started to feel relieved, but it was short lived. Amy’s breath hitched, and it was only a moment before she was back to gasping out every breath.

When she got like this, there wasn’t much they could do to calm her breathing. She had to feel safe before she could stop. 

Jake moved on to the last trick he had, desperately praying that it would be enough to calm Amy down. Distraction.

“Charles tried to get me to drink yak milk hot chocolate today and I had to tell him how insane he was. He wants to feed that stuff to Nikolaj tomorrow. It’s a miracle that Genevieve is as obsessed with food as he is. Good thing we got her out of jail, right?” He racked his brain, trying to think of other stories to tell Amy. “Oh! And Rosa’s going to the ballet tomorrow, to see her ex-girlfriend perform. And then they’re going to her jewelry exhibit afterwards. I don’t think any of us saw that coming.”

Amy’s shoulders were slowly starting to lose that tense, rigid look, and she was trying to breathe deeply again. She wasn’t shaking quite so much. 

“I told Charles we were going to watch HGTV tomorrow, but I was thinking that maybe we could do something more fun. Have you ever been ice skating? I used to go to this one place with Gina all the time, and I was fantastic at it, not to brag.” He paused for a minute, and grimaced slightly. “Except for that one time when I fell on the ice and Gina’s skates sliced off half of my ponytail.”

He went on and on, telling Amy about icing skating when he was a kid, how he used to spend snow days with Gina, all the things they could do together tomorrow. He was rambling, yet somehow, his steady stream of words got through to Amy. Somewhere in the middle of him telling her about an epic snowball fight he and Gina had gotten into, her breathing slowed down completely.

“Are you okay now?”

In response, she collapsed into his arms. He held her tightly, wrapping his arms around her chest where he could feel her heart thrumming, probably faster than it should go. 

“Sorry,” she got out.

His heart squeezed in his chest, and he reached up a hand to stroke her hair. “Ames, you’ve got nothing to be sorry for. It’s fine. This stuff happens.”

“It was so dumb.” She shook her head. “I love paperwork and filing but all of a sudden it was so much and I didn’t think I was going to be able to get it done and everyone would be disappointed in me and…”

Her breathing started to speed up again, and Jake held her tightly, reminding her to breathe. It wasn't long before she had calmed down again. 

“I don’t know,” she said, after a long pause. “I should be able to handle this. I can’t believe that a pile of paperwork made me spiral. How can I be a good cop if something as little as that sets me off?”

“Hey, you can’t blame yourself for this. You can’t control it. It’s not like you wanted to have a panic attack, right?”

Amy nodded, although she looked uncertain.

“You’re the best cop I know. Panicking over paperwork doesn’t change that. And also, just talk to me if you’re worried about something. You don’t have to hide in the breakroom. I promise, whatever it is, I’ll talk you through it. You don’t have to do this alone.”

She shifted in his arms, turning to look him in the eyes.

“I love you. You’re the greatest boyfriend ever.”

“I know. But seriously, I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Am I projecting? 100%   
> Lol this was pretty fun to write anyways, mainly wrote it because I've been rewatching b99 for the last week. Just a quick idea I put on paper. All comments and kudos are appreciated! (kind of want to write Peraltiago spending a snow day together now...)


End file.
